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I generally keep things very positive here because that’s what I need and want in my life, but I also want to be real with you about who I am. Typing this post and even thinking of pressing the publish button makes me feel like I’ve swallowed my heart already. I, like many others, live with anxiety. It takes time and patience. Life doesn’t always look like a carefully curated Instagram theme: sometimes it’s dark; sometimes it’s heavy. It’s too easy to compare yourself to others and imagine life inside of someone else’s beautiful days. If you struggle, I want you to know you’re not alone, and I’ve even included a free wallpaper for you. If you know someone who struggles, I want you to understand these complicated feelings. This is what’s true for me and my experience.
Reality Feels Foggy
On bad days anxiety has a way of throwing a veil of fog over everything I experience. It takes extreme effort to see through the thick of it, and though I know my perception is altered, I can’t shake the feeling that things aren’t the way they seem. Logic has no rule in the fog and it’s easy to panic when there’s no obvious sign of a clearing. It’s strange how panic can be born from itself ten times over.
Leave Me Alone, Come Back
In an anxious, volatile state when I feel on edge and consumed by my irrational thoughts, all I want is to be left alone–but not too alone. It’s confusing and maddening because I tend to push everyone away, but cling when I see them go.
I Didn’t Choose This
A lot of people equate anxiety to coffee jitters and worry over a specific subject, which is not always true. Yes, caffeine can have a heart racing effect, and yes, stressful situations can cause one to overthink, but there’s a difference. Some days I wake up, with nothing to worry or care about, and still feel the weight of worry and panic looming over me without catalyst.
It’s Crippling
There have been days in which I’ve woken up in the latter state and faced triggers that set me off for hours. It’s debilitating. I’ve had spells in which I felt so paralyzed by my anxiety that I’ve sat staring at my computer or a wall in my room, unable to physically make myself move or take action. It takes effort to smile, and some days I use every bit of energy I have to seem fine. You never know what someone is fighting inside, so I find it really offensive when people classify me or don’t take me seriously when I talk about mental health.
It Has Impacted My Life
I try extremely hard to fight against my body’s natural inclination because of what I’ve faced as a result of my anxiety. I’m pretty open about the fact that I took a year off of college because of my continual catatonic states, heavy panic, and lack of sleep. I spent a lot of time buying things to feel some sense of euphoria, which was always temporary and didn’t address the root of my problems. Seeking help seems simple from the outside, but it’s one of the most difficult things to do when you’re trapped in the fog, so be patient with those you love.
Luckily, I’ve spent a lot of time and have worked really hard over the past few years to pinpoint my triggers, adjust my victim mentality, and take charge of my life. I research, read, and practice ways to expand myself. I am a work in progress, and despite of it all, an unshakable idealist with passion for life and too much defiance to quit.
mamaofkings
So much yes to this!!! I hate the anxiety that I battle daily, but with time I am learning how to cope with it!
Amanda Bishop
Thank you for writing and sharing this♡ you put everything we feel with anxiety into words. It’s a constant battle everyday to be productive with anxiety.
SophiesChoice
Such an insightful post. I suffered with anxiety so bad for a while but managed to work out a good system to keep calm and erase bad thoughts. Keep pushing forwards hun it does get better xx
Sophie | https://sophieschoice.co.uk
Courtney
Thanks for this post. I experience anxiety and depression, but my daughter’s anxiety is much more severe and debilitating than mine. I hope to keep all of this in mind every day.
jcantral
I love this article! I too struggle with anxiety and have experienced everything you describe. Thank you for sharing!
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I love personal posts like this! Thank you for sharing 🙂
wdwrws
I appreciate you and everyone like you that is brave enough to get real about mental health. I still struggle to overcome the stigma and speak freely about my struggles. I loved this post!
Bettie
ow yes! those stupid foggy days. I have them too, but it gets better every day. I found out what my triggers are and that was a good step in the right direction
explorashann
Kayla, you’re not along girl – this is so relatable! I have struggled for years with anxiety and mild depression. I found myself wanting to be alone and didn’t want to talk to anyone but then I would only feel comfortable if I was at a place like Starbucks or Barnes & Noble. There was something about being alone but around others that made me feel better, so I completely understand the “leave me alone, come back”.
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Great post – so so true!
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A very brave post – it can be tempting to just put on a happy face all the time. If more people were open about anxiety it would be much easier to deal with.
thatsmycupofcocoa
Last week on the Today Show, Carson Daily talked about his experiences with anxiety. It’s clear that he’s had some therapy and has chosen to look at it in a new light. I found his comments inspiring. I have dealt with anxiety my whole life and two of my kids do too. Yes, it can be difficult and even debilitating, but being wired this way also makes us who we are and I like me.
Cassie
Yes! I just wrote a blog about six ways to reduce anxiety and you are so spot on with the description of how it feels for me too. Especially when you say that you wake up without a reason to worry, but still feel it looming over you. And then when my fiancé asks “what’s wrong” and I can’t answer with anything but “I’m in a funk,” I know it’s frustrating for both of us. Just don’t ever feel alone. Anxiety may affect us, but it doesn’t have to control us!
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